Welcome to the Yard Olympics
- ProMark
- Nov 21
- 2 min read
Every homeowner has participated in the Yard Olympics — even if they didn’t mean to. No tickets, no training, no warm-up. Just you, your yard, and whatever chaos it throws at you that day.
Here are the official events. (And yes, we see you. You deserve at least a silver.)
🥇 Event 1: The 100-Meter Dash to Catch the Trash Cans
This event is triggered by a single gust of wind that sends your trash cans rolling like they’re training for NASCAR. You sprint. You slip. You pray the neighbors aren’t watching.
Score: 8.9 for speed, 10/10 for effort.
🥈 Event 2: The Mulch Spread Marathon
You start strong. You’re motivated. You’re feeling it. And then… halfway through the first bed, the mulch-to-energy ratio gets personal.
Distance covered: 2 cubic yards Distance left: Why is there always more?
ProMark solution: We mulch fast, clean, and without needing a three-day recovery.
🥉 Event 3: The “Why Is This Branch So Heavy?” Weightlifting Finals
That branch didn’t LOOK heavy when it was in the tree. Yet here you are, attempting the clean-and-jerk of a lifetime while trying not to pull something important.
Tree crew note: We lift the weird, heavy, awkward stuff all day long. No chiropractic copays needed.
🌲 Event 4: The Chainsaw Relay (AKA: Please Don’t Do This)
Some homeowners attempt it. Some try it once. The brave try it twice. But in the spirit of the Yard Olympics: Leave the chainsaw relays to the tree professionals.
We’ve got the crew, the equipment, the training, the insurance, and the common sense. You just keep cheering from the sidelines.
💦 Event 5: The Wheelbarrow Slalom
Obstacle course includes:
Holes you forgot existed
The sprinkler head you swore you wouldn’t hit
Your kid’s scooter
That one patch of soft ground that tries to eat the wheelbarrow whole
ProMark version: Our crews glide through yards like the wheelbarrow is on autopilot.
🔥 Event 6: The Fire Pit Tetris Challenge
The mission: arrange all the chairs so everyone can feel the heat without being too close. Impossible.
Want a better setup? We build custom fire pits and patios that make this event way less stressful — and way more fun.
🏡 Event 7: The “I’ll Just Fix This One Thing” Triathlon
Starts with pulling one weed. Turns into trimming a shrub. Ends with you rethinking your entire property.
We get it. That’s why we’re here.
🏆 Closing Ceremony: Call in the Professionals
Whether your yard is giving Olympic-level challenges or you just don’t want to compete anymore, ProMark Landscaping & ProMark Tree Service is ready to take the podium.
Tree work, landscaping, cleanups, patios, mulch, removals, installs — we do it all.
Let us take over the events you never trained for.
📞 (610) 754-7400
Serving Eastern PA with a smile (and very strong wheelbarrow skills).
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